confessions of an almost broken woman

Change of plans. I need five weeks. Five weeks where I don't blog or think of time constraints (that don't even really exist). I am struggling with who I am and what I am suppose to be. Sorry to disappoint, but I feel I need to focus on myself right now. I am trying too hard to please everyone around me (and failing miserably, as I am learning). So give me a few weeks (two of which will be spent watching the Olympics, no doubt) and I will return to my blog. The new one. That I feel horrible about postponing. But my kids need me. And my husband needs me. Which means I need to find me. Thanks, friends.

And just so you know, I am not depressed. Because I have been there and know that feeling. I just feel stretched in too many directions. Like I am being drawn and quartered. While under water.

wednesday what

Look who's 2 months! Love this sweet girl.
Not much new. Hit my plateau with basic dieting, so trying something a little more intensive.I will write about it in a week.On the new blog.Been designing like crazy this last week. And collecting a bajillion sources.One week, people.I started a project on the house without talking it over with Robert first.Oops.But we all know it is going to be awesome. So no worries.Taking step by step progression photos and will make a video for the reveal.Also next week. So yeah. Next week things will pick up a bit.Diet review.Project reveal.Baby blessing.NEW BLOG.

wednesday what

Here is sis. 8 weeks old. 11 lbs. 3 mo clothing.Growing like a weed.Love her. The boys love her. Robert loves her, too.She is a peach. But she will let you know when she is mad in a heartbeat.
Not much new.Working like crazy to get things set up for the new blog.It will be up and running on August 1st. So two weeks!I am excited. Other than that, nothing special or out of the ordinary.Just trying to survive the wretched heat of the Arizona summer.

wednesday what

I almost forgot.Again. I've been doing that a lot lately.So sorry. I mean it's not like I have my hands full...
I seriously don't even know what has happened in the last week. I have been on my diet for 10 days.And have dropped 4 lbs. Hopefully, in the morning, that scale will tell me it's 5 lbs down.It has been hard at times. I miss my Heath Klondike bars. But grapes are good.The major shocker for me is how much a portion size really is. It is painful to see how many calories are in one cup of anything.And then to realize just how small one cup is.It has been hard to exercise every day. Mainly because I have zero energy from four kids.But I do. Every day so far. And I love to feel the burn. Means my body is changing.I bought a new exercise outfit. And a new scale. And the newness of both has kept me going.
Today Joel and Lucas had their first swim lesson.We have a friend that teaches kids to swim at the Y. Point blank, they suck. Seriously.It was entertaining at first. Then painful. Then frightening.I got so caught up in how they were doing with the lesson that Daniel nearly drowned.Momentarily forgot he can't stand alone well enough on the lagoon step.But I remembered as I saw his head sink below the water... Oops.No worries, he was totally fine. Don't think he even cried.
Natalie? Oh Natalie. Her eyes are blue. Makes me happier than a clam.Now I have 50/50 with eye color amongst my kids. Soothes my OCD brain.She is basically in 3 month clothing at 7 weeks. Weighs 10.5 lbs. Small for my babies.Wonderful sleeper. Horrible eater.In fact, the later is causing me much stress. For the last 3-4 weeks, she has struggled.Eats for 5-8 minutes. Then stops. Doesn't fall asleep. Just stops.And wants to resume again after a 10-15 minute break. This stretches on for about 2 hours at a time before her next nap. It is killing me. I do not have the time nor patience for it.There are three others who need me.I just don't know what to do. I don't want to give up nursing since everything is going well for me.But I don't want to feed on demand or I would be nursing all day.I don't want to switch to formula since I CAN nurse.But I don't want to get super frustrated every time I feed her.Any input would be lovely.
My new blog design is coming along.I have no clue when it will be up. Not going to say a particular date either.I do not need undue pressure. So sometime. In the nearish future.Keep a look out.

thursday wednesday what

I love when I get good pictures of my littles. I think this is a good picture.Notice how Daniel looks like no one. Robert questions it.
Sorry about yesterday. I was sick. Still am.This past week has been crazy. Racquetball. Painting. Date night. Painting. Laundry. Pilates. Painting.And, as always, four kids. Monday was ridiculously productive. Got SO many things done.Tuesday was absolutely unproductive. Got nothing done.It was Tuesday night that I started to feel blah.Come Wednesday, full on sore throat, post nasal drip, and groggy head.Ugh.Despite my yuckies, we went about Wednesday as planned. Mostly.Ward pancake breakfast with both sets of parents. Loved it.We got to see how silly Joel is once again.He is one of THOSE kids when it comes to Primary performances.Can't wait for the Primary Program... Not.Once we got home, I basically curled up in a sad little ball of sickness.We had planned to swim at my parents' house, but had to forgo that.Rain. Oh, and I felt like crap.Robert baked the cookies I was suppose to make.Then we went to Robert's parents' house for hamburgers and hot dogs.And that was it. No fireworks. Which I am okay with.
Oh. Btw. I started a new "diet". No more sugar or salt.Not like full out. But no sweets like ice cream and such.And no added salt to my food. I am 8 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight.13 away from my wedding weight.And 18 away from my goal weight.So I am eating healthier. And rocking the dancer Pilates.My body will thank me.

wednesday what

Yeah. No what today. I am sorta sick, so my wednesday what is going to roll over into a thursday thoughts. And my new blog will be launched SOON (secretly mad at myself for not making it happen July 1st - I like clean numbers and fresh starts).