eight

It is Christmas again! Just kidding. This is last months photo. If you are not on Facebook, then you haven't seen it yet because it was deleted [by me... on accident]. This big boy is now eight months. And not much has changed in the past month. He still does not have any teeth. And does not crawl on hands and knees (but he is wicked fast on his belly). Just a blob. Finally figuring out that puffs and yogurt bites are okay to eat. Doesn't necessarily like them, though. Loves his brothers. Thinks they are hilarious. Super cuddly. Especially at nap time. Cannot live without his binky. As you will see in the picture below.

ode to a two year

As I sit here and try to enjoy my breakfast (a gluten free bagel smothered in the perfect amount of cream cheese with a large glass of strawberry milk), I am serenaded by the sounds of my two year old. Screaming. It is a daily occurrence in this house. One that has continued relentlessly for the last few weeks (minus a two day break that was like a miraculous slice of heaven). I know it is just a phase (at least that is what I tell myself to muster up enough courage to make it through each day). But I do not know how long this phase will last. Or the amount of damage being done to my sanity. Regardless, I trudge on. And I stand firm in my dealings. Because this whole charade stems from his desire to manipulate. A battle of wills. And I must be the one to win. Not because I am as stubborn as he is (well, maybe a tiny fraction of me needs the vindication of coming out victorious). But because I am the mother. And he should not control me. So if I have to throw away his food or hide certain toys for a few days or give him a little "spank", I will. I will not play the "I am done/I want to eat/I am done/I want to eat" game. Nor the "Throw it away/I want to play with it/Throw it away/I want to play with it" game. Nor the "Spank me/No spank me/Spank me/No spank me" game. Because he will whine and scream and carry on. For HOURS. And with three kids, I just don't have the time. Nor the patience. Of course, my actions do not stop the hysteria. But I'd like to think that - just maybe - he will get the picture. And that he will whine a little less. And scream a little less. And that one day, I will be able to enjoy my breakfast without his lovely background noise. And not have to share my food. Okay, that last one is unrealistic....

opportunity

You know how every once in a while, the opportunity of a lifetime plants itself in your lap? That is what our new home was (even with all my whining about it not being perfect. cosmetic, Leigh. cosmetic). And that is what my trip to Japan was. Opportunity of a lifetime. Something that comes along and if you blink before seizing it, it is gone. Another opportunity of a lifetime has found me. And it couldn't be more perfect.
The new opportunity that has presented itself to me? A job. No. Not just A job. THE job. Yes, I have photography. And yes, my monetary needs are generally filled through my photo shoots. But it is not a regular source of income. Some seasons are better than others. THE job that has found me is currier work. What is a currier? It is a person that drives from point A to point B (to points C, D, E, F, and G as well), delivering and collecting X, Y, and Z items from various contracted clients. Lots of driving (in-car jam sessions) and little human interaction (pleasant hellos immediately followed by quick goodbyes). No nasty or rude people to deal with. No 9-5 at a desk in front of a computer. Just driving and delivering. And it is a job I have done before. In fact this job helped to fund both my camera and my trip to Japan. In very short amounts of time. Four days per item, to be exact (for half the money needed for either item - photography supplied the second half over a longer period of time).

So the new opportunity that has presented itself to me? Working every Friday. From 8:45 - 11am and 1:45 - 4pm. And receiving a SWEET paycheck for my work. Averaging more than $35 an hour. Seriously the opportunity of a lifetime.
Unfortunately, this opportunity has presented itself at an inopportune moment. Circumstances are just not right for taking on such a job. For four reasons. Joel. Lucas. Daniel. And baby girl. I do not have the ideal child care situation presenting itself along side the job opportunity. Day care is out of the question. My paycheck would essentially cover day care costs, thus defeating the purpose of taking the job. Also, just not a fan. I was in day care as a child. I have worked in jobs similar to day care (girl scout camp - glorified day care). I know how kids are treated. So no. Family is out of the question. Everyone works. A ward friend. That would be a possibility. But I would prefer someone with no small children at home (I would not want to over burden anyone). And I would prefer someone to come to my house (as both runs would be during the baby's nap time... not to mention the afternoon run is when ALL THREE boys sleep - I will not mess up a good thing I have going for me). And I would only be able to work for four months at most before baby girl joins our family. At which point I have NO CLUE where life might take me (and this includes with photography).
So I feel as if it is just not right. Which breaks my heart. But I am learning my limits and I know that this is one of them. Besides, I made the choice years ago to be a stay at home mom. THIS is my choice. It is one I would not give up easily. I want to be the one to watch my children grow. To be the one to influence their learning and knowledge. So opportunity? Pass. :(

productive

I feel SO productive. I have gone through my entire blog list and am [mostly] caught up in what YOU all are doing. Because, you know. Spending two solid hours silently blog stalking is the best use of my time. When I have logos to design. And photos to edit. And projects to finish. And rooms to paint. Yup. Best use of my time.

home vs house

Okay. I know I already posted today, but I am going to post again. This is a vent post. Well, not vent. This is a post of me expressing my feelings. Especially since I may have confused many a friend on Facebook.

Today has not been a good day. It hasn't been bad or horrible. Just not good. I am highly emotional, for whatever reason (yeah, that would be pregnancy). And I am noticing little things (that would be OCD). As I was using an extra paint sample to write a little note of "knock, don't ring" for the front door, I noticed something. I noticed that the paint sample was the EXACT color that I had intended the house being. Instead of the color that was actually used to paint the exterior. Having the entire exterior of your home painted is not a cheap project. Even if you do it yourself. Which we didn't. We paid a guy to do it. He did it in two days, which is pretty fast since he was doing it alone AND only working at certain hours due to having a full time job. But I quickly noticed things. As I always do. Since I am OCD. And a perfectionist. Did you know that if you paint GREEN (like crayon green) a shade of white, you will have bleed through? Even if you do two coats? I knew that. But apparently the painter didn't. Prime it or Killz it, dude. Ugh. Also, the most effective way to paint a smooth surface, such as a door, would be to remove it and lay it flat to spray it. That way you do not have OBNOXIOUS drip marks all across your front door. Not that the front door is important. It is only the door that everyone sees upon visiting. Nbd, though. And to have the nerve to say it already had drip marks. Really?! You are going with that excuse? Sand them next time. Back to the color. This, unfortunately, was not the painter's fault. You can have a million samples that may or may nor be perfect. But until something fully covers the walls of your home, you have no clue what it will look like in every lighting condition from every angle. So now the beautifully warm grey home that I had imagined... yeah, not as grey as I imagined. More of a lavender tint. Which you would not believe if I showed you the Olympic Silver Spoon paint sample. The most perfect shade of grey. When in your home and on your table. NOT on the exterior. And that instant that I placed the Eddie Bauer Gelato paint sample next to the door to stop any bell ringers, my eyes welled up with tears. Because I can't just have the house painted tomorrow to have the problems corrected. Painting the exterior of a home is an investment. Just like having the windows or exterior doors replaced is an investment. Or replacing all the flooring. Or redoing the master bathroom. Or remodeling the kitchen. Or having all new baseboards and crown molding put it. Or landscaping the front and back yards. They are all investments. And we do not have the money for them. Which made my heart break even further. Knowing that this house will not feel like my home until it looks more like what I envision.

We bought this house because we could COMPETELY make it our own. We are not restricted by HOA or any other limiting factor. I could paint it neon yellow if I wanted. Which I don't. But we can do whatever we want with it and I love knowing that I can make it exactly what I want. The floor plan is great. It flows and every inch of space is used perfectly. But cosmetically speaking, this house is not "me". Not yet, anyway. We ARE making changes. Room by room. One at a time. I am just a very impatient person. Especially when I can see exactly how I want things to be. I DO NOT HATE THE HOUSE, like I said on Facebook. I just hate that I have to be patient and take things one step at a time. Anyone who knows me knows I have always had a difficult time doing that. Which is why I burn out so easily. I want everything done perfectly RIGHT NOW. So learning patience is a little painful.

Even a few hours later, I realize that my meltdown was utterly stupid. I will definitely use the pregnancy hormones as a cop-out here. There are MANY things I love about the house. I have a teal front door. And it is awesome (and it will be even more awesome when the house is eventually made the color I had intended... which may be a while). We do not have an HOA. No additional monthly fee. No restrictions as to what we chose for our home. We have a HUGE front yard and a HUGE back yard. Not talking acres or anything. But at least I can tell you a fraction of an acre without sounding ridiculous for even using the term acre. We have four bedrooms. Which means one will permanently be used as the toy room/study. So less toys all over my living room. We have separate living and family rooms. I can entertain guests in a quiet area instead of having Pixar movies blaring in the background. WE HAVE THE BEST NEIGHBORS. I would not trade this neighborhood for the perfect house in the world. My neighbors have been exactly what I have needed time and time again. A neighbor to hang out with when bored. A neighbor to bring me gluten-free pretzels "just because" since she can't bake me bread. A [random crazy] neighbor that hugged me in the middle of the night just because I got rid of the ugly green trim. Block parties. A place to go when I lock myself out with the kids. Backyards that are more like parks than an actual park where ALL the neighbor kids play and want your kids to play, too. There will always be little cosmetic things that bug me, even when we have made a bajillion changes to the home. But despite that, I will always have the wonderful things that brought us here. I just need to remember the wonderful when I get caught up on the negatives.

Sorry. Long and wordy post. If you made it through, awesome. If not, then you probably aren't reading this so whatever. I feel better now. Like maybe the house color being a little off is NOT the end of the world. And what really makes a house a home is who you share it with. So if I am were my crazy, wonderful children and amazing hubby are, I guess I am home.

when a tree falls

Sorry. I have been absent. Especially picture-wise.

Ps. Realized the issue with the pictures. And it makes me feel like an absolute nerd. Sometimes blogger is screwy on me. I will type and publish a new post only to have it appear on the wrong blog. So I delete the post from the wrong blog and post it to the correct one. In the process, blogger asks if I want it to delete all the photos from said post. Which I consent to since I don't want my pictures on the wrong blog, duh. Well... deleting the pictures is clearly not just deleting them from the wrong blog. It deletes them from picasa, the site I use to host my photos. Oops. This explains why a bunch of my Japan pictures didn't work. Blogger defaulted my post to my gluten-free blog. And I deleted that post. Bye bye awesome photos of Japan. At least it is an easy fix for me.

Moving on.

Life has been crazy as of late. So glad the holidays are over. It is not that I don't love all that comes with the holidays. It is just exhausting. And a move and an international trip in the midst of it all just added to the chaos. Since the holidays, we have had some improvements made on the new home (if I ever remember, I will take a couple pictures). We had all new interior doors put in. Ten doors. Three closets. Doors. Hardware. Jams. Everything. The old ones were, well.... hideous. And two doors did not close because of crooked gaps. The two most important doors: guest bath and master bedroom. Those rooms need privacy, thanks. Other doors had issues as well. The closets were bifold. Installed improperly. And falling off. Literally. One fell and hit me as I tried to open it. So every interior door was replaced. The new ones are gorgeous. We even went as far as to have all the doors and frames professionally painted. LOVE it.

Another new improvement to the house: tree removal. We had two eucalyptus trees out front. One dead. One untamable. Huge and ugly. Even the neighbors commented on the hideousness that was our trees. The trees are now GONE. And watching them being felled was awesome. The boys ran from room to room, watching the men work. Since one of the trees was so huge, it had to be cut down the middle. So we watched as essentially three trees came crashing to the ground. And completely hid the street beneath their branches and leaves. Magnificent crash. It was such an event that several neighbors came out to watch as well. Kylie, your dad is awesome. It turns out that we have a HUGE front yard. Only bad thing about the yard being so gargantuan is that we have to consider the future costs of landscaping... It will be worth it though.

The new house is finally starting to feel more like home. Not there yet, but with each new improvement I like the home more than before. Nursery has been painted. Toy room is next. Paint really does wonders...

half way to the end

So. Crazy thing about today. I am half way done with my pregnancy. Which might be weird to a lot of you since you just found out a few weeks ago that I am even pregnant. It has been kind of nice keeping this pregnancy to myself and not talking about it. Which is why this may be one of the very very few posts in which you will find me commenting on it. My (planned) last pregnancy. Yup. Robert and I are pretty sure that this will be our last baby. Four just feels like the perfect number for us. That feeling might change with a little bit of time. Or Heavenly Father may have other plans for us. But for now, we are calling this our last. And because this is the last baby that we plan on having, I told Robert that I would not complain about this pregnancy. Which I haven't. It just seems pointless for me to complain about something that I chose. Something that is so miraculous. Something that too many women struggle with (talking about conceiving here, not hard pregnancies). Kind of wish I had had this attitude throughout my last three pregnancies. Not complaining (or focusing on negatives) has made this such a wonderful experience. And I am almost sad at the fact that it is already half over. Don't get me wrong, pregnancy is not always peachy and I have definitely had my share of nausea and (some) vomiting. But I haven't complained. Because I wanted this. Badly. You see, my first two are almost exactly one year apart. They shared the SAME EXACT due date. October 5th (2008 & 2009). My first came a little late, my second came a little early. So they are eight says shy of being a year apart. And I LOVE it. Yes, it is hard. But there would be difficulties no matter what the spacing between them. I had hoped baby number three would come eighteen months after number two. He came twenty months after (and totally messed with mom's OCD pattern). But the moment I found out number three was on the way, I knew that I wanted number four exactly one year later. Seriously. Even minutes after my last baby was born, I was telling my husband that I was ready for another. Most women don't want to THINK of another baby for months, even years. But in the time between number three and this pregnancy, I never stopped wanting number four. And I was ecstatic the day that I found out that this little one was on the way. Because my last two will be almost exactly one year apart. They share the SAME EXACT due date. Again. May 28th (2011 & 2012). Strange enough, I am hoping that this one comes a little late. My 5th anniversary is five days after my due date. And I think it would be sweet to celebrate the birth of my last baby on my anniversary. That and each of my children will be born in a different month (again with the OCD). And the best part of this beautiful experience? I AM HAVING A BABY GIRL!!! Which is something I want to shout from rooftops on a daily basis since I have wanted a girl since my very first pregnancy. Three boys later, she is on the way. I couldn't be happier. :)

Ugh

So. I have been receiving many complaints that you are unable to view the photos I post. And now I have been having problems viewing them as well. I haven't the slightest what could be wrong. I uploaded photos for the previous post from my pc using the same program as I normally do. No iPad assistance. And you are no longer able to view them. Ugh. I will try to figure it out soon. Not a top priority as I have children to care for, photos to edit, walls to paint, logos to design, baby bedding to sew, etc. But it will happen. Sorry.