home vs house

Okay. I know I already posted today, but I am going to post again. This is a vent post. Well, not vent. This is a post of me expressing my feelings. Especially since I may have confused many a friend on Facebook.

Today has not been a good day. It hasn't been bad or horrible. Just not good. I am highly emotional, for whatever reason (yeah, that would be pregnancy). And I am noticing little things (that would be OCD). As I was using an extra paint sample to write a little note of "knock, don't ring" for the front door, I noticed something. I noticed that the paint sample was the EXACT color that I had intended the house being. Instead of the color that was actually used to paint the exterior. Having the entire exterior of your home painted is not a cheap project. Even if you do it yourself. Which we didn't. We paid a guy to do it. He did it in two days, which is pretty fast since he was doing it alone AND only working at certain hours due to having a full time job. But I quickly noticed things. As I always do. Since I am OCD. And a perfectionist. Did you know that if you paint GREEN (like crayon green) a shade of white, you will have bleed through? Even if you do two coats? I knew that. But apparently the painter didn't. Prime it or Killz it, dude. Ugh. Also, the most effective way to paint a smooth surface, such as a door, would be to remove it and lay it flat to spray it. That way you do not have OBNOXIOUS drip marks all across your front door. Not that the front door is important. It is only the door that everyone sees upon visiting. Nbd, though. And to have the nerve to say it already had drip marks. Really?! You are going with that excuse? Sand them next time. Back to the color. This, unfortunately, was not the painter's fault. You can have a million samples that may or may nor be perfect. But until something fully covers the walls of your home, you have no clue what it will look like in every lighting condition from every angle. So now the beautifully warm grey home that I had imagined... yeah, not as grey as I imagined. More of a lavender tint. Which you would not believe if I showed you the Olympic Silver Spoon paint sample. The most perfect shade of grey. When in your home and on your table. NOT on the exterior. And that instant that I placed the Eddie Bauer Gelato paint sample next to the door to stop any bell ringers, my eyes welled up with tears. Because I can't just have the house painted tomorrow to have the problems corrected. Painting the exterior of a home is an investment. Just like having the windows or exterior doors replaced is an investment. Or replacing all the flooring. Or redoing the master bathroom. Or remodeling the kitchen. Or having all new baseboards and crown molding put it. Or landscaping the front and back yards. They are all investments. And we do not have the money for them. Which made my heart break even further. Knowing that this house will not feel like my home until it looks more like what I envision.

We bought this house because we could COMPETELY make it our own. We are not restricted by HOA or any other limiting factor. I could paint it neon yellow if I wanted. Which I don't. But we can do whatever we want with it and I love knowing that I can make it exactly what I want. The floor plan is great. It flows and every inch of space is used perfectly. But cosmetically speaking, this house is not "me". Not yet, anyway. We ARE making changes. Room by room. One at a time. I am just a very impatient person. Especially when I can see exactly how I want things to be. I DO NOT HATE THE HOUSE, like I said on Facebook. I just hate that I have to be patient and take things one step at a time. Anyone who knows me knows I have always had a difficult time doing that. Which is why I burn out so easily. I want everything done perfectly RIGHT NOW. So learning patience is a little painful.

Even a few hours later, I realize that my meltdown was utterly stupid. I will definitely use the pregnancy hormones as a cop-out here. There are MANY things I love about the house. I have a teal front door. And it is awesome (and it will be even more awesome when the house is eventually made the color I had intended... which may be a while). We do not have an HOA. No additional monthly fee. No restrictions as to what we chose for our home. We have a HUGE front yard and a HUGE back yard. Not talking acres or anything. But at least I can tell you a fraction of an acre without sounding ridiculous for even using the term acre. We have four bedrooms. Which means one will permanently be used as the toy room/study. So less toys all over my living room. We have separate living and family rooms. I can entertain guests in a quiet area instead of having Pixar movies blaring in the background. WE HAVE THE BEST NEIGHBORS. I would not trade this neighborhood for the perfect house in the world. My neighbors have been exactly what I have needed time and time again. A neighbor to hang out with when bored. A neighbor to bring me gluten-free pretzels "just because" since she can't bake me bread. A [random crazy] neighbor that hugged me in the middle of the night just because I got rid of the ugly green trim. Block parties. A place to go when I lock myself out with the kids. Backyards that are more like parks than an actual park where ALL the neighbor kids play and want your kids to play, too. There will always be little cosmetic things that bug me, even when we have made a bajillion changes to the home. But despite that, I will always have the wonderful things that brought us here. I just need to remember the wonderful when I get caught up on the negatives.

Sorry. Long and wordy post. If you made it through, awesome. If not, then you probably aren't reading this so whatever. I feel better now. Like maybe the house color being a little off is NOT the end of the world. And what really makes a house a home is who you share it with. So if I am were my crazy, wonderful children and amazing hubby are, I guess I am home.