wednesday what

Um. This picture is just six months old. And both Lucas and Daniel look soooooo different than this. Wow. I would have something more recent, but I have been camera-lazy. Next week. After Easter. We will revisit and see what they look like now.Moving on.I have been pondering a lot lately. About many things. But mostly about feelings.I have had a mini epiphany about me and my boys. Ready? Each one is different.Well, duh. But I am not talking about them being different in the way you are thinking.Each of my boys has taught me something different. A result of birth-order.Joel: to learn. Lucas: to apply. Daniel: to enjoy.
I don't care what anyone says, but ONE baby was the hardest for me. I was clueless. And when it comes to Joel, I always will be. I will always have to learn what it is like to have a newborn, one year old, two year old, three year old, and so on - from scratch - with him. No amount of literature on the subject can TRULY prepare you for your own first child. They are your learning experience.
Number two was a piece of cake. Especially since they were so close. We had almost completed one full year with Joel when Lucas came along. So I knew how to handle it better the second time around. I was able to apply what I had just learned. Sure, Lucas and Joel are different. But overall, everything was easy with my second. They are your chance to apply learned skills.
Number three was almost as easy as number two. I learned that it took more time for everything, but that most things were more enjoyable. I snuggled longer. Gave more kisses. Worked for more smiles. With Daniel, I have soaked up infancy. I have not rushed it. I know it is nearing its end. So I have just taken the time to love on my third. They are your reminder to enjoy the ride.
Because of this - and their unique personalities - I love them differently. Sometimes I feel bad. That I am playing favorites. But when I think about what they teach me because of the order in which I had them, it makes sense. And I feel a little less guilty for wanting to cuddle with Daniel all the time. Or work the hardest with Joel to broaden his intelligence. Or show Lucas something new he can learn to do with his every-busy hands. There is no way to love your children evenly. There is no such thing as even.Just different.