two things

Two things. Nobody's business. Everyone's concern. THE two things I get asked about more than anything else. Nursing & number four. Lets start with nursing.
"Are you nursing? How long do you plan to nurse?" Actually... none of your business. But let me answer anyway. Daniel is four weeks old as of yesterday. He is almost exclusively nursed. Maybe one or two bottles a week when I PHYSICALLY cannot nurse. So yes. I am nursing. For now. But guess what. Remember how I had an infection(s), but everything got better? Getting worse. Not AS BAD as when I had an infection(s). But regardless. More pain than what is normal. And really weird muscle sensations near my collarbone/shoulders when I nurse. Besides, Daniel has MAJOR reflux when he nurses. Way worse than what the other two had. But he never has reflux with formula. Keeps it in like a champ. So no. I do not plan to nurse much longer. Like 6 more weeks.
[Before you get all high and mighty on how AMAZING nursing is, hold your tongue. I exclusively nursed Lucas for 9 months and pumped enough for him to have nothing but breastmilk until he was 1 year. Never had one problem. I know the pros and cons of nursing. I am aware of passing on immunity and all the health benefits to both me and the baby. I got it. But my body is having a difficult time this go-around. And this causes my brain much stress. I do not handle stress well, so this is a sanity choice. My baby can either be nursed and EVERYONE in the household will suffer from a crazy me. Or. My baby can have formula - which, btw, my family doc said is awesome these days - and everyone in the household will be HAPPIER. Common sense decision.]
"When do you plan on having number four? You're going to wait a while, right?" Actually... none of your business. But let me answer anyway. Number four will join our family when both ROBERT AND I feel good and ready. Don't assume it will happen immediately. But don't assume it will be after "a while". And PLEASE for the love of all that is holy, don't tell me when to have the next one. Honestly, I feel good and ready. Dead serious. Not ashamed. My body on the other hand, not ready just yet. I mean I DID just give birth 4 weeks ago. It will take a couple months before my body gets back to normal. But I love how close Joel and Lucas are. And I would be completely fine with having a fourth baby close to Daniel. Especially since we will probably stop at four. Which would mean I would be done. And that much close to the end of diapers...
[Before you tell me YOUR opinion on how close babies should or shouldn't be, hold your tongue. I have heard it all before. I mean, Joel and Lucas ARE 8 days shy of 12 months apart. And it was not an accident. Yes. It can be difficult at times. Guess what, there will ALWAYS be challenges. But as with different situations, challenges differ too. So don't judge me because of the reproductive choices I make. I am not an unintelligent person. I know the "consequences" of my actions. This is MY (& my husband's) decision. Oh. And I kind of don't care whether you always agree with my choices. I wont judge you on yours if you don't judge me on mine.]
Sorry if I am harsh or offensive. But if you are going to ask, you are going to get an honest answer. I am all about honesty these days. I am tired of trying to hide certain things from certain people because I feel as if they will over-judge me. How about showing support instead? That would make things easier on my poor tortured brain!
Flip side. Daniel is starting to slowly fuss less and less. I love this. Or maybe I am tuning him out more and more. Regardless. Stress level is beginning to decrease in the Root home ever so slightly. But let's be honest: I will always stress over everything. It is who I am. But I am still loved. Know how I know? Daniel smiled at me this morning. Not a gas smile or a sleep smile. I'm thinking a real smile. He did it for his Daddy this morning, too. Wonderful.