I did not feel special today. Not that I was expecting to in any way. Mother's Day does not automatically equal warm fuzzy feelings. And my day was no exception. It started well enough. But when Daniel flat out REFUSED me, it started to get rough. He has been my little snuggle bug. The one that loves to cling to me. And he wanted nothing to do with me today. Flat out rejected me. Screamed and cried any time I held him. And it hurt. Because Joel and Lucas are far from wanting anything to do with me when Robert is around. Now all three push me away in preference of Robert. Several people have told me that I am silly for being hurt by this. For getting offended or taking it personally. But how can I not? I get it. They see him less, so they want him more. But that does not make it hurt any less when all I want is a hug or a moment with them and they act as if I am the most deplorable thing on the planet. So yeah. Happy Mother's Day to me.
Unfotunately, that was not all that made today rough (because honestly, rejection happens regularly with the older two). During church, I began having contractions 5 minutes apart. Then 4 minutes apart. Then 3 minutes apart. By the time we got home, they were 2 minutes apart. So my mom came to watch the boys while we went to the hospital. Got hooked up for monitoring. And they stopped. The monitors caught maybe ten minutes of contractions before they 100% completely died off. As I was being discharged I had one last, lone contraction float across the monitor. Didn't cry about being sent home. But I wanted to. I don't mind being pregnant. I really don't. I am just exhausted of false labor. And I have been having quite a bit with this pregnancy.
So I am over today. And hoping tomorrow is better.
4 comments:
I had one of those days too. Otto lately has been super snuggly with me because he has been sick and this morning he screamed the moment I held him then bit my shoulder so hard he went through the skin. Yah, I'm already super emotional about having another baby and then he goes and rejects me when I felt like I most needed his love. I definitely had to remind myself that just because its mothers day does NOT mean it will be a great, wonderful, perfect day. Even though I still think it should be :) Hope you feel better and I hope your little girlfriend comes soon. False labor is the worst and is just annoying/exhausting when you already have so much going on.
Boo! I also did not enjoy my Mother's Day. But, I just needed to tell you, you are not alone in having your kids reject you for Dad. Both of my boys are that way. I swear, the minute I stop nursing- they are DONE with Mom! Grr, I just keep hoping the next one likes me, but let's face it, Jonny gives more popsicles- he will always be the favorite :)
Read this: http://apolsen1006.blogspot.com/2012/05/sometimes-i-just-wanna-go-to-work.html
This girl is going through the same thing! I'm sorry you were sad and hurt on Mother's Day.
Personally, I think the day is a pile of poo. I do love honoring my mom and it is nice to be remembered, but hello, who's idea was it to make a whole day of "let's make all moms feel super guilty or forgotten if their family doesn't fall in with the commercial crap-ola, and make all non-moms feel like cast aside garbage."
K that might have been a little harsh, but it's how I feel. Yesterday wasn't the greatest day for me either, even with my little boy on the way.
I hated the false labor- I had contractions a few minutes apart a bunch and then only to find out I was not any where near having the baby- (at least the natural way) it's awful! Hang in there mamma! She will be here wailing before you know it!!!! :)
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