July 23rd, 2006
"I absolutely, positively HATE Sundays in Africa. Sundays are the worst. I feel like an outsider and I feel used. Both are bad feelings. The only time the girls talk to me is when they want to borrow or have something... "Can I use this? Can I use that? Oh, Leigh! Would you mind if I used this?" I just say, "Nope, I don't mind." When I am really thinking, "Yes, I mind. Don't touch my stuff!" I am more than ready to go home... Cuca came to pick us up for the Beira branch at about 9:45. I walked outside and just sat in the very back of the truck. I knew the girls would pile in the back seat, so I sat in the back with Eric and Aaron. Eric tried to cheer me up but to no avail. Church was even worse when we arrived. We went into the chapel and none of the girls would sit by me. They all pushed Cuca down the aisle to sit next to me... Whatever. I am in a terrible mood and need to get rid of it.
"Instead of going to relief society, our group went into primary... It was just like being at home - the kids in primary were distracted by anything and everything. It made me smile to see the little children. Even though the kids were distracted, they were able to answer questions about the lesson and participate. Half way through their lesson, we passed out vitamin gummy bears to the kids. I was surprised at how reverent and honest the kids were while we passed the gummy bears out. The kids sang to us. It was awesome to hear songs that I know or recognize sang in Portuguese by little Mozambican children. They asked us to sing for them when they finished. Julie suggested Popcorn Popping, a song that I don't know. We sang another, Book of Mormon Stories, but I didn't that one either so I sat out. It was at that point that I realized how much of an outsider I was. I was white in a very black Mozambique and I was a convert surrounded by life-long church members and primary kids and I couldn't even sing one silly little primary song. The feeling grew worse when the primary kids stood up and sang Book of Mormon Stories in Portuguese. I didn't talk for the rest of church.
"Right as Cuca arrived at home base, half of our group got out. The other half stayed for a trip to the beach at sunset... We didn't make it to the beach before sunset. It was still light outside when we arrived, but the light was slowly fading and stars began blinking into existence... People paired off - Jenna and Cuca were off on their own and Eric and Nikki were beginning to walk away. I climbed on a part of the cement wall that extended into the ocean and stood at the edge. It felt very refreshing... We wanted to see if we could possibly get a tour [of the lighthouse], but the closer we approached, the worse of an idea it seemed. Besides, we were entering the lighthouse from the wrong angle, getting our ankles scratched by the grass... The five of us left for home when we returned to the beach."
Photo courtesy: Lucas B.
Yeah... that first part of the entry was a complete pity party. I apologize. I regret getting so caught up in my self-centered feelings. The energy I wasted on my emotions could have been better spent working and serving those around me. And while I had a hard time in Africa with feeling left out, I know that I was not hated. At least I like to tell myself that...
2 comments:
Just want you to know that I've really enjoyed your little trip down memory lane. I've always been fascinated by Africa and would love to have done something like this. Thanks for sharing it!
That last picture of you is so pretty!
Don't worry about ranting on your trip. I'm pretty sure I was not pleasant to be around when me and Rogue got lost in London. She was the calm, prayerful one. I was the whiner who let everyone know I was not happy.
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