july 26th & 27th, 2006

Okay. No more pictures. Just words. And only a "few". I am also combining entries from the 26th and 27th. Because, honestly, I am tired of writing every day. Since I feel guilty when I don't.

July 26th & 27th, 2006
"At this moment, I am in Dakar, Senegal. It is the Western-most point in Africa. The plane ride has been pretty good so far. Nikki hasn't gotten sick, which is a nice change from when we arrived to Africa. When I last journaled, the flight attendants had just handed me my meal. It was pretty good - chicken with pasta sauce stuff, a salad, a wheat roll, chocolate mousse. I drank 2 Appletizers! The drinks in Africa have all been so good... I will miss them.
"I fell asleep right when the movie ended and was out for about 4 hours. Those 4 hours were so uncomfortable. I ended up sleeping hunched over my tray table. I woke once to my head bobbing everywhere and Nikki's feet on my tray table. It was awkward and ridiculous!
"While we were stopped [in Dakar], Nikki and I talked to the guy catty-corner across the aisle from me. He is 18 and originally from South Africa. His mom married an American, so he has been in the U.S. for two years now. He lives in Pennsylvania. He seems like a very nice guy - he has a little bit of a wild side from the stories he's said, but an all around nice guy. I could be completely wrong, but I guess I'll never know. Regardless, he is very attractive and fun to talk to.
"Breakfast was good; sausage, eggs, potatoes, croissant, jam, fruit, and yogurt! After the movie was over, I watch something about ships in the Canal de Mozambique. It made me cry. I think it sunk in that I was gone. It was hard to leave when we physically left Moz, but now it was definite that I was going back to the U.S. I cried on and off for a half hour. I didn't do much on the plane when the show ended. Just sat and thought about Africa... I will probably cry when I arrive in Az... I want Africa and the "family" that I formed there. I miss the sights, sounds, and smells. I miss the people and the kids. I miss Elaina and Dote.
"The last two flights home were alright... The flight [from D.C. to Denver] seemed longer than it really was - I was having horrible back pain that would not go away no matter what I did. The flight from Denver to Phoenix was good - it was nice and short. My back pain continued and was worse, but I just fought it.
"It is like I blinked and the trip is over. Friends ask if it was worth it; I have to fight tears when I tell them how "worth it" it was. I don't know what to do with myself. I was only in Africa for a month, but my heart is still there and always will be. I miss my friends and family that I created... Everything was alive and real. There was nothing fast about Africa. No rushing or impatience... I will never forget what I have seen, felt, experienced, heard, or touched. I know that Africa will always be with me."

I do not like the feeling of moments being over. Like the ride home from a wonderful trip. Or - because I am crazy - when the anticipation of giving birth has come and gone. You build up to these things for so long, exist in them in the moment, then look back and say, "wait.... it is over already?!". I am grateful for my photographs and journals, but it always makes me a little sad knowing I will never be able to relive those exact moments. On the flip side, it makes me look forward to each new adventure and the memories I will create.

Just a few thoughts after having completed this.
1. I learned that I am not ALWAYS a selfish, self centered person. Just most of the time. I volunteered for this trip for the wrong reasons. But while I was there, I completely lost myself in the work (most of the time).
2. I learned the difference between needs and wants. I walked away with a new sense of what people really need in order to survive. And I realized that about 90% of the possessions I owned were just wants. Too bad five years has made me forget... for my wants are now my "needs".
3. I learned that you can be in the middle of NO WHERE and not know the local language, but still know the meaning of a smile. I felt so lost at times, but when I was on the receiving end of a smile (which was often in Moz), it made everything better. Smiling is universal.
4. I learned that you must see the good in all things, even the bad. The people whom we visited lived in mud and stick homes. They ate rice and beans. They owned just enough clothes to cover themselves. Yet they were some of the happiest people I have ever met. And this is because they look for the good.
5. I learned that you cannot call people freaks because they are different. One of our leaders, Jody, had her own set of food in Africa. Thinking it odd, I asked her why one day. She told me she was a Celiac, that she is "allergic" to wheat. My initial thought, "what kind of freak is allergic to wheat?!". Seriously. That was what went through my head. And guess what. That pain that I talked about this entry... the stomach pain that hurt so bad it felt like back pain... that pain was the onset of Celiac Disease. Never heard of it until I met Jody. And if it weren't for her and a lengthy discussion we had while in Africa, I would not be as healthy as I am now. Moral of the story, don't call me a freak for being "allergic" to wheat. :)
6. I learned that there is a plan for everyone. In this plan, we are only asked to suffer through what Heavenly Father (or whatever deity you have faith in) knows we can bear. I have had my share of difficult things to endure through. But the people in Moz have really taught me the meaning of strength.
7. Finally, I have learned that there can always be more room for love in the world. That was our main objective in the orphanages; just love the kids and be with them. It is what they needed. It is what everyone needs.

There. Done. The end. Well, of my Africa reflection anyway. And even if i am not writing about it every day, I am thinking about it. I could not have ended my journal with words more true. I know that Africa will always be with me.