july 20th, 2006

So... the entry for today has personal reflections that I AM going to share. I will explain why after the journal entry. Just to forewarn you, this entry ends in me talking about my ex-boyfriend. He was on his mission while I was in Africa. And, if you know me, you know just how devoted I was. That being said, I have NEVER talked about him on my blog before. And I probably wont ever again. Too sore a subject.

July 20th, 2006
"Africa has made me broken. It has been confirmed: I have strep throat. Last evening, while I was journaling, my throat was irritating me while my nose was practically dripping all over the place. When I had finished making my journal entry, I went into the bathroom with a flashlight. Sure enough, white patched areas lined the back of my throat. This morning I woke up with a slight fever. What high spirits I had left have just been squashed. Erg... I am not going to stay in this house any longer than I have to!
"Linda and I discussed what the day would be like for me and decided that I would not go to the community or to ASEM. We agreed that, if I felt better, I could go to [the baby orphanage] for a short period... Jody came out as we were discussing this and said that no, I am not going to [the baby orphanage]... I just started crying. I was so mad that I was finally allowed out of the house to get sick and be stuck in again.
"Eric gently woke me when the group returned from the community. Just as I was waking, Jenna brought me a bowl of steaming hot soup while Eric brought me a cup of water. Eric and I talked for quite a while as I ate the strange broccoli chicken brothy soup. Odd enough, the soup was very good! It felt soothing to have the burning hot soup run along my sore throat.
"Since the last chair-showering experience was rather difficult, I used two chairs this time. I put one in the tub under the shower-head and the second adjacent to the first outside the shower. To protect my open wound, I put a freezer bag over my foot with an elastic hair tie to hold the bag securely over my foot. Showering this time was a little bit easier. The water was not as hot as I would have liked, but it was warm enough to enjoy.
"Linda... gave me permission to go to [the baby orphanage] for a bit to take some pictures. The team grabbed their cameras and hopped into the Landrover... All the kids were upstairs in the dining room watching a movie when we arrived. When they saw us in the hall, they ran out and followed us into the yard. I was already cradling on Elaina (my Elaina) when the other Elaina saw me and wanted up... I pulled out my camera and began taking pictures, along with the rest of the group. My Elaina was being so difficult. She would wiggle, squirm, and cry when I tried to get a picture with her... It was very frustrating to me. Luckily, Cuca pulled me away before I started to cry.
Photo courtesy: Stacy G.
"I ended up helping Jenna make dinner - Navajo tacos. Her and I had Cuca chop up the onions while I graded cheese, sliced tomatoes, and diced lettuce. I can't cook! But I am getting better. When Cuca and I completed our tasks, we helped Jenna flatten balls of dough into flat circles for fry bread. Ha! They all looked deformed at the beginning. After some practice, we got the knack of how to flatten it onto a plate. When we had finished a dough circle, we would give it to Jenna to fry and start another dough circle. We had so much fun singing, dancing, laughing. The group came home from the baby orphanage as we were close to finishing. Everyone pitched in some how. We had several fun songs on that everyone was singing and dancing to - the main one was 'Play That Funky Music, White Boy'. João arrived at 7 on the dot and we ate. Even eating was fun. I sat across from Erik who made me laugh the whole time.
(Pause. Don't know if anyone caught the two spellings of Eric/Erik. Two different guys. Eric is single. Erik is married - to Stacy. Continuing on...)
"Julie told Nikki to break up with Garrett and date RMs, which lead to the entire missionary discussion. I even told her to break up with him. She tried to use me as an excuse not to, since I am waiting... I don't know. I can rightfully argue either way. I would never encourage someone to wait, nor would I discourage. I don't want to say, 'Well Nick and I are different'. Every couple is different. I don't know. I wait because I know it is right. If and when I get the feeling or revelation that it is not right, I will go from there."

Reading this entry completely strengthened my testimony in personal revelation. The moment I returned from Africa, I knew I needed to stop waiting. LONG before I even met Robert. And, despite what everyone and their mom may think, I DID NOT DROP MY MISSIONARY FOR ROBERT. And Robert knows that (Nick, well... I told him, but I don't know whether he believed me or not). Even now, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But it was the right thing. And I do not regret what I did. I just regret that it meant hurting Nick.